Shopping Survival Guide for Men: How a Man Can Survive a Shopping Experience Without Having to Gnaw His Arm Off

A frank and hilarious guide to every man's mind-numbing nemesis: Shopping.

Guys, spent one too many Saturdays marooned at the mall? Rejuvenate your manhood with the Shopping Survival Guide for Men. This indispensable sanity-saver exposes the hidden history and insidious psychology of shopping. Hint: it's crazy. Plus, this book cool-headedly guides you through the treacherous, credit card-melting mazes of:

• Shoes: "If you've ever been in the shoe section of any major department store, you now know what the gross national product of Belgium would look like if it consisted of footwear, which, for all I know about Belgium, it does."
• Makeup: "Egyptians used cochineal bugs to make red dye for their lips, and I don't even care what 'cochineal' means because the word 'bugs' is after it."
• Prom Dress Shopping: "Like most men, all you know about prom dresses is that they are more expensive than a good set of tires."
• Fashion Terminology: "Puckered Bodice: A banned professional wrestling move involving a lemon, a folding chair, and a car battery."
• Shopping History: "1687: Isaac Newton develops the law of universal gravity after his wife's shoe rack collapses on him."

Don't get dragged to the mall without it!